Now, my holiday gift-giving friends, is your time. Or so I am told. Even in my most effective gift-giving years, I am a last minute shopper, a person who roams bookstores 48 hours before gifting time, picking up and putting down books, trying to remember what I’ve given people in years past. As is likely unsurprising, I give a lot of books. Not only books, but we are here to talk about books, and reading, and book-giving is its own specific art (and joy).
These, though, are unusual times, and there are extra things to keep in mind. One is the curséd supply chain, which continues to wreak havoc on the availability of many things, including books. And another is that your local bookstore can use the holiday boost.
Whether you take either of those things into account is entirely up to you. There are, though, many other things to consider when buying books for other people.
Know your audience. The most basic rule of book-giving: Don’t give people books they don’t want to read. If your aunt only reads science fiction, the latest award-winning nonfiction bestseller is probably not the way to go (unless it relates to SF somehow, like Mary Roach’s Packing for Mars). It is never a bad thing to push people’s reading boundaries gently, just a little bit, but that’s something maybe better done in conversation than with a gift. Something you think a person should read is more likely to gather dust on a stack of unread books than something you’re certain they want to read.
Always have a reason. Never give someone a book just because it was on the front table, or it was a bestseller, or the author is famous. This transforms a book into a pair of socks: barely considered, impersonal, bland. I am iffy on giving books you haven’t personally read, unless you feel very certain that you know the recipient’s taste—or your taste is just so different that you will never have read the same things (in that case, perhaps something other than a book is in order). Your reasoning doesn’t have to be an airtight work of logic, but just something that personalizes the gift. “I got you this book about cocktails because you always find the coolest bars” or “You mentioned you finally wanted to read The Silmarillion after watching The Rings of Power” or some other detail that shows you’re paying attention.
Enthuse, but don’t evangelize. You’re not trying to make converts. You are not going to magically transform a mystery reader into a fantasy fan by giving them every Wheel of Time book (though it’s nice to imagine that we could). You’re trying to make someone happy. But do give books that you love! Giving books you’ve read and can enthuse about is a way to open conversations, to stretch out the theoretical connection of the holidays into something that comes back when the giftee reads the book in question. You just have to be careful to match your enthusiasms with those of the people you’re shopping for. When this works, it’s magic.
No child needs seventeen copies of Goodnight Moon. One of the most valuable things I learned as a bookseller was to steer Saturday morning baby-shower shoppers away from the books they remembered and loved from their own childhood. These are classics for a reason! Everyone loves them! And no one wants to be the sixth person to show up with a nicely tissue-wrapped copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. This rule extends to holidays as well: If you are shopping for children, don’t pick books as old as you are. This is a very good time to ask booksellers for their recommendations, because the people who run children’s departments have a lot of very strong feelings about new and delightful books that maybe don’t fly off the shelves at the same rate as your average Dr. Seuss title. And don’t you want to give those other books a chance?
Go rare only when you are certain it’s the right thing. Books don’t have to be rare to be meaningful gifts. But if you have a loved one who is a collector, and you know what they love, and you have the time and the spare cash, hunting down a beautiful edition can be a deeply enjoyable labor of love (and one made somewhat easier by the internet). Rare and otherwise special books don’t have to be first editions; they can be store-exclusive editions with bonus content, signed copies, gorgeous Folio Society versions of much-loved tales, short-run Subterranean Press anthologies—there are all kinds of unexpected beauties out there that you might not find at your local shop. When someone has everything, has read everything, you still might be able to surprise them.
You don’t have to inscribe the book. Not everyone keeps books, even well-thought-out gifts! But there are plenty of other ways to say something to a gift’s recipient. I like to write notes on the backs of the bookmarks most stores slide into your purchases anyway—no bookseller is going to complain if you ask for a couple extras. Slipping a little note into the book personalizes the experience while also leaving the recipient free to do what they like with the book itself, whether that’s lovingly shelving it in their personal library or in a little free library down the street.
It’s okay to give the same book to multiple people. Some of my former bookselling colleagues had a really lovely tradition where they would give everyone on staff a copy of their favorite book of the year. It was no less special for being shared; it might’ve been even more special, as it had the potential to bring us all together in one reading experience. Most likely, this would be a tough sell with family, who are likely not all wide-ranging readers the way a whole gaggle of booksellers are. But maybe you have a small book group and you all give each other your favorite book of the year. Maybe that works with a group of friends. Or maybe you just have three friends and family members who would all absolutely love that one book you read earlier in the year. You don’t have to pick out something different for everyone if the perfect book is right there.
If you give a lot of books, keep a list. A note in the back of your journal, a spreadsheet, a never-deleted email draft, a text file on your computer: Whatever form it takes, keep a list of what you’ve given to whom. Otherwise you may find yourself in a dilemma with which I am very familiar: Being able to give only books published in the last year, since you can’t remember what you gave anyone last time around.
Don’t have expectations. You can give all the books you like, and have a good time doing it. But you can’t control how people react to those books. Maybe they’ll hate them. (That can be more fun than when they don’t read them at all; at least you might get an interesting conversation out of the situation.) Maybe you will never hear a single peep about the books you so lovingly picked out. And this is totally okay. Reading is a deeply personal activity, solitary and strange, and the feelings and thoughts we have when invested in a book aren’t always translatable. I’ve given books where I would dearly love to know what the recipients thought of them—but that’s not the point of giving, is it? It’s letting them read, love, hate, give up on, pass along, or never get around to the books, all on their own time and in their own minds.
These are, it should go without saying, not rules, nor instructions, just some things I have (repeatedly) thought and talked about in my years as a reader and bookseller. Every bookseller on earth will tell you different things about buying books for other people, though there are likely a few universalities. Everyone has their own habits and idiosyncrasies—and those may be the most important details of all.
What books will you give your loved ones? What will you give to yourself?
Originally published in November 2022 as part of the Mark as Read column.
